Little girl, are you looking into my soul?

The worst part of this blogger site is the 'Next Blog>>' link. I clicked it and found 1 of 14 blogs to be interesting. Why is the magic number 14? Because that is the one that popped open teh Pronz! Thank you, Football blog super update whatever it was, for hooking me up with your link to "Free Porn, updated daily."

I was (and am currently) at work at the time, sooo I kind of had a heart attack. My mouse raced to the close window button but it was stowed behind the start bar on the side of my screen, what a disaster. Then pictures started to load up (praise the gods that our intarwebs move at a snail's pace here) because the large type across my screen "Free Porn" wasn't damning enough.

"Not today!", I shouted as I alt-F4'ed that lust filled page sending it to the nether-realms. I haven't had any IT guy saunter over to my desk to tell me my secrets are no longer safe. I guess there isn't any watchdog software, so I should be ok. Now that I think of it, the IT department here isn't 'top notch' so I guess I have nothing to worry about.


So Indrid (Oh, I will have to describe her later) has her daughter Melanie at work once in a while, and this last time I turned around and she was lookin' at me. Knowing this was a direct challenge to my staring contest abilities I gave her a nod and it began. No contest, so I won't go in to details.
*Stephen 1 Melanie 0*

She asked me though, "How come you are sad?"
I laughed, "I am not sad, little child, just really, really, extremely and amazingly bored ."
She smiled and grinned back, "No, you are sad."
Raising my eyebrows I pointed to her hand where she had a little electronic key chain, "What is sad is how you let your tomogotchi(sp?) starve and die when you left it here the other day." (Which she did)

I am not sure why she thought I looked sad. Maybe it was the dark circles under my tired eyes, or perhaps she was just bitter over her horrific staring contest defeat.

It doesn't really matter if I forever appear to be sad, though, because I rarely feel that way.

"On ne voit bien qu'avec le cœur, l'essentiel est invisible pour les yeux" (It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye).
I really like that book by the way.

For starters

I want to give you a break, so I will just say I don't get out much.
There seems to be enough opportunities, but I am not really interested in the typical escape that satisfied me before. The same places and faces I have been hanging around just don't sate that desire I have to really ESCAPE this unsatisfied pattern I am following. Ever since I realized how worthless my previous activities and principles were nothing holds the same importance.

Maybe I am just don't have a real goal anymore, or maybe my goals I have now are set far too low.The inspiration that was always around before is all but gone. So many things that came naturally seems to require so much more work than before, and the difference in increasingly frustrating.

Like reading, it USED to be fun, but now it just feels like I am simply finishing a book to check it off of my list of things complete. Who cares? I don't really care where I stand with the intellectual book club's best sellers.

I don't have anybody I could talk to about half the stuff I am reading, not a decent conversation anyhow. It does get my creativity gears spinning though, but that doesn't help if there isn't an outlet I can reach with my current abilities. I will just have to keep searching for what I am supposed to be doing with my time. I feel like it is something I already know I want to do, but I have been ignoring it.

Oh well, It will work out.